100% Masaaledaar – Food Truck, Road Trip & A Beautiful Family: Chef Movie Review

FULL MOVIE REVIEW: #Chef 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Directed by Raja Krishnan Menon of the ‘Airlift’ fame, Chef deals with Father-Son relationship in a most simplistic and lovable manner, keeping Food as the main bridge between them. Chef, a culinary trip around India, is a remake of the Hollywood movie by the same name.

In the recent past, Salaam Namaste, Cheeni Kum & Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana too dealt with food as the subject and were quite impressive at that. But Chef happens to be absolutely TASTY!

What’s in the Menu? (Story Snapshot):
Saif plays Roshan Kalra, a confused and arrogant chef in New York’s Galli Restaurant who loses his temper on a customer one day, resulting in him getting fired from the job, but that provides him a second chance to bond with his ex-wife & son back in India and eventually discovering a new life through setting up a food truck called ‘Raasta Cafe’. The movie tells you that the perfect recipe for happiness is absent without our family and fun😊

Swaad & Service (Positives):
1) Chef has a very smooth flow to it. It’s a happy, breezy, funny and cheerful film with no ups & downs of a usual Bollywood movie. In other words, it’s like KJo & Yash Chopra movies in a Yoga class😜😂 Breath in, Breath Out & It’s Over
2) The Different parts of the country, namely Cochin, Goa & Delhi are covered very beautifully in the amazing road trip😍👌
3) The Punjabi vs Malayali banter is too real and comical without being offensive.
4) The music of the movie & mainly the lyrics are a surprise. One would wish if it was promoted well to be a HIT.

Main Ingredients (Performances):
1) Chef is easily Saif Ali Khan’s most ‘flavored’ performance in a long time, there isn’t a single cheezy dialogue or weird face made by him. In fact this is a very restrained and matured Saif whom we had missed on screen for so many years till now. He looks absolutely charming with his trademark humor. Each time he cooks something, it’s with such conviction that it almost feels magical; add to it the soothing background score. Don’t miss the joke references made by Saif to his earlier films😂👌 What a surprise there too!
2) Writers have done a great job in putting dialogues together that go well with Saif’s image. He keeps cracking these one liners with a straight face but the audience surely giggles😅
3) Saif has played a metro-sexual urban guy who’s in love many a times – Salaam Namaste, Hum Tum, Love Aaj Kal, Kal Ho Na Ho & so on. But this time the actor is dealing with life issues, career problems and he does that with so much originality that you connect to his character.
4) Armaan, the son played by Svar Kamble justifies his role to perfection. PadmaPriya (the female lead) is refreshing. There is Alex, the mallu driver and he is super funny. Also guess what, there’s Milind Soman in the film. Yaayy! You have enough reasons now to watch I guess😜. Oh man! He looks smoking hot😍

Khaane mein Nuks (Negatives):
1) I wished if the film could have made a stronger emotional impact especially in the climax.
2) The foodie in me wanted to see MORE food on screen (LOL!), i.e; apart from Spaghetti & Razzta alone.

Maza-Ya-Saza (Conclusion):
This Chef cooks a really delicious recipe. It has both the regional and fusion tadka in equal measures, provides you with ample feel good vibes & charms you with its simplicity. Definitely a good watch.

Spice-O-Metre (Rating):
4/5 Chef is NOT AT ALL high on drama or emotions but still keeps the entertainment factor alive. Book your tickets👍

P.S (Free Sauf😜):

1) I don’t know if Taimur looks like Saif or Saif has started looking like Taimur😂 bcoz he look tooo cute😍😘
2) Don’t forget your Likes & Comments for this review😊
3) Agar Judwaa 2 ke vahiyaat jokes par hase ho toh plz yeh picture mat dekhna😜. This film has a very classy urban feel to it & will mostly cater to multiplex audeinces who love to savour on different cuisines every once in a while & not on daal-chaawal alone.

#ChefMovieReview #ChefReview #SaifAliKhan #PadmaPriya #MilindSoman #BollywoodMovieReviews #NilzRavReviews #NilzReview #ChefReview #October2017 #DilChahtaHai #RajaMenon #AAFilmsIndia

If you have liked this review, please do take 2 seconds to leave me your feedback & thumbs up in the comment section below😊👇

– Neelam Joshi
Dubai, UAE

 

My BRAIN was in PAIN, even when I had kept it at home – Judwaa 2 Movie Review

FULL MOVIE REVIEW: #Judwaa2
(Lamba hai but padhlo, FREE hai😁😜)

STORY: Pehli waali Judwaa agar yaad nahin toh waapis dekh lena.

ANALYSIS:
Thanks to #Judwaa2, I didn’t know Varun & David hate other so much that they both made a film to exhibit it to the world. The Director can’t remember directing and the Actor can’t forget over-acting! This shameless rip off of 1997 Salman Khan’s Judwaa is the worst of worst that could have been served to our intelligence in today’s time. Read on to find out why…. (plz so mat jana😢)

PURAANI (ACHCHI) YAADEIN:
This movie is the perfect example of everything that should have been left in the 90s for good. It’s absolutely shocking & disheartening to see such tasteless humor coming from David Dhawan – The Once Upon A Time King of Comedies, before Bollywood was blessed with Priyadarshan. I absolutely LOVED all Dhawan films that he dished out in the 90s (I still laugh whenever they are on TV), but recalling his recent other-side with Chashme Baddoor, Rascals, Main Tera Hero & now Judwaa 2, I am starting to doubt whether it was actually him or was it Govinda, Kader Khan & Salman Khan who did the magic for him. His earlier flicks were the most entertaining in terms of actors, timings, dialogue deliveries & everyday funny characters who were also infused with a nice dose of varied emotions. Each and every side-kick in his movies was an important part of the whole package, be it Johnny Lever, Razak Khan, Tiku Tulsania, Dinesh Hingoo, Shakti Kapoor, Anupam Kher, Bindu or even the Monkey in Aankhen (not Chunkey Pandey, the real one), all these people added LIFE to his illogical plots and we never felt guilty of having a hearty laugh. Even if the scene wasn’t funny enough, most of times there were these hilarious dialogues & the actors who managed to evoke uncontrollable laughter. But with his latest product, everything seems to be going against the usual tide. The national award winning actor Manoj Joshi and celebrated names like Rajpal Yadav & Sachin Kedkar are reduced to just being the typical ‘Hero ka dost’ & ‘Hero ka Papa’ respectively. They do nothing except adding to the already tiring length of the movie.

The ‘HIDDEN’ Disclaimer:
The so-called villain here keeps on repeating a particular sentence at different points in the film: ‘Main seedha point pe aata hoon’, I wished David also did the same right from the beginning. The Disclaimer should have read something like this: ‘Yeh film sirf aur sirf mere bete ko next Salman Khan banane ki koshish mein banaayi gayi hai. Agar iss douraan aapke dimaag ka mental balance kho jaaye toh main ya iss film se juda huva koi bhi vyakti iska zimmedaar nahi hai. All the characters, places and incidences depicted in the movie are as fake & loud as my son’s over ambitious acting capabilities. No animals have been harmed during the making of this film as they refused to act opposite Varun Dhawan.’

PERFORMANCES:
Varun imitates Salman Khan SO HARD & SO BADLY that you feel angered & restless. The script gives him ample number of excuses to display his bare body; and at other times when he gets bored of doing so, he even wears the same clothes as Salman in the original Judwaa. Slow-mo action sequences & Superstar-like entry scenes, Varun has been portrayed as the next big thing, but there is no single trace of the old goofiness & cuteness that comes so naturally to our Bhaijaan.
In a broad perspective, it can be said that Varun has all the qualities of being the new-gen Salman Khan – given his fan base & track record so far, but the problem is he already thinks he is Salman Khan. There is absolutely NO SCOPE for subtlety in his acting. For him, the spelling of Acting probably starts with an O, i.e, Over-acting!😜 Sorry for the ridiculous joke😢 (This is also something which the makers should have said in the end credits, I was waiting for it very innocently😐)

Jacqueline Fernandes should be labelled as the brand ambassador of on-screen Filmy Bimbos, she takes women empowerment 4 steps backward each time she appears on the frame. ROFL!😂

DID YOU KNOW?: 1) Taapsee Pannu’s captivated family member was released by the producers as soon as she finished the last shot. It felt as if she would break out into a loud cry any moment for having to sign up for this sh*t.
2) After watching Judwaa2, Pink DVDs📀 all over the globe have decided to dig a grave & leave for the heavenly abode👣 RIP (advance).

#Judwaa2 is 65% dialogue by dialogue, scene by scene & shot by shot copy of the original. And for the rest 35%, you will end up introspecting your life decisions. Forceful kisses, crotch lowering, sexist jokes, vulgar gestures, mindless humor & the ear piercing background music; it’s 1997 or 2017, you will never know! Like no woman in the movie has any problem with any harassment or molestation happening! WTF!?!

Also if the initial 1.5hrs hammering doesn’t seem to be provoking enough, there is one football scene towards the end of the movie which will literally EXPLODE all your senses!!! *Imagine a cooker building up the pressure & then finally it blasts* That scene alone is enough to compete with some of the South film crap that you must have come across.

MY SAAMAJ SEVA FOR YOU READERS:
For those who would say that the trailer should have been an enough hint already, yes I wasn’t expecting a Godfather or a Baahubali out of #Judwaa2, but the least I can ask for is entertainment, which will only be found by kids, teens & VD fans. Rest slightly intelligent peeps like me who just can’t switch off their brains before entering the cinema hall, can stay miles away from the theatre this week.

CONCLUSION: [Sorry, you will have to PM me if you want to read a more detailed analysis, I have a lot more to rant & vent my frustration on😜(no joke!) *runs*🏃]

#Judwaa2 has excellent cinematography & also London is amazing, but surely I didn’t go to the theatre for that!
Rating: 0.5/5 (For nostalgia factor & 2 reprised songs).
Ek Varun tolerate nahi hota aur yahaan do do daal diye. DOUBLE the DHAWANS, DOUBLE the TORTURE!

P.S: 1) My Business Prediction: 100cr+. Hamare desh mein dimaag waali public kam hai. This will prove to be a Full On Family Entertainer after a long time👍👍
2) Like, Share & Comment button is FREE. Plz use it😊😊
3) Yaar yeh Mukesh ka sahi hai, har bakwaas picture shuru hone se pehle hi cigeratte phoonkne se iski maut ho jaati hai. #LifeGoals

#Judwaa2Review #NilzRavReview #NilzReview #BollywoodMovieReviews #September2017 #SalmanKhan #VarunDhawan

If you have liked this review, please do take 2 seconds to leave me your feedback & thumbs up in the comment section below😊👇

– Neelam Joshi
Dubai, UAE

 

 

Yeh Barfi Bohot Hi Meethi Hai Aur Isko Khaakar Aapko Diabetes Bhi Nahi Hogi – Bareilly Ki Barfi Review

SUMMARY:
The movie succeeds in bringing to table more than what was promised in the trailer. 100% FAMILY Entertainer. With a very Low Budget, Fitting Star Cast, Funky Songs/Music & the AWESOMEST Comic Dialogues till the very last scene, #BareillyKiBarfi is a winner👌

PERFORMANCES:
First half belongs to Kriti Sanon & Ayushmann Khurana, but the STAR performer is Rajkummar Rao who walks away with the cake👌His character shall win praises. A KHATARNAAK talent like him needs to be seen largely in the commercial space👏
Seema Bhargava as Bitti’s (Kriti) mom is a theatre actor as we all know & with #BareillyKiBarfi she once again proves why Bollywood needs more of her desperately.
Ayushmann Khurrana is very lovable & a charming guy who plays a shade of baddie in the 2nd half. But we want to love him as much as dislike him (watch to find out why)😉😃
Kriti Sanon’s character may remind you of Diana Penty in Happy Bhaag Jayegi & Kangana of Tanu Weds Manu in parts. The film mostly revolves around her & she plays her role beautifully & looks adorable too.

POSITIVES:
1) Though the 1st half of the story is very similar to Saajan (1991), but it does hold on it’s own post interval. Fun & Engaging throughout!
2) Editing is firm with a run time of 2hrs. The quick exchange of dialogues, one-liners, small twists, comedy & Rao are the plus points.
3) Humor is no where close to being slapstick or loud (the IN-YOUR-FACE kind). There is no one single sexist/regressive or double meaning joke which our Bollywood thrives on in the name of comedy. BKB is a huge lesson in that department to other writers of our industry. It’s a full PARIVAARIK (Rajshri approved😜) drama.
4) A SPECIAL mention to Javed Akhtar’s narration. Not the regular commentary type narration like other movies, it’s fully mazedaar!😃👌

NEGATIVES:
Except that the climax becomes predictable as it approaches & two or three ‘thanda’ scenes in the second half, there is nothing much to complain. This is OK given the genre as we of course didn’t go to watch a suspense thriller.

OVERALL:
Desi cinema in terms of story backdrops & language usage is ruling the Box Office since some time now & #BareillyKiBarfi is a superb addition to that.
As a well made ROM-COM, this one has full chances of being a success at the ticket counter, given people ACTUALLY go & watch it in theatre! Young or Old, all will enjoy.

CONCLUSION:
#BareillyKiBarfi is filled with good actors & super fun moments, a regular story but with a modern take.
Yeh Barfi bohot hi meethi hai😊👌but diabetic patients can also watch pet bhar ke😃. Also, Bareilly ka Jhumka toh famous hai hi, ab Barfi bhi ho jaayegi…Haha!
Rating: 3.5/5. Definitely watch it👍

P.S: Jhumka Gira Re…. Bareilly Ke Bazaar Mein (just in case kisiko upar wala reference samajh mein na aaya ho)

If you have liked this review, please do take 2 seconds to leave me your feedback & thumbs up in the comment section below😊👇

– Neelam Joshi
Dubai, UAE

Facebook Link here:

https://www.facebook.com/neelam.joshi28/posts/10154594701407186

Toilet Ek Prem Katha Review – This TOILET does not Stink, but our unawareness does!

The ‘Swachh Azaadi’ words quoted in the poster is a subtle reference not only to clean our country from tangible dirt, but also to free ourselves from all the religious, cultural & traditional elements which pollute our progress as a human being & nation at large.

STORY: The film is a social satire with central focus on Prime Minister Modi’s Swachh Bhaarat campaign with Toilet🚽 being the main villain. The premises is based in a village near Mathura. Keshav (Akshay Kumar) is a 36 years old single, small time businessman living with his (Mohabbatein ke Narayan Shankar se bhi zyada strict) dad and (Andaz Apna Apna ke Prem se bhi zyada sweet) brother, while Jaya (Bhumika Pednekar) is a strong, fierce & a highly educated girl who belongs to quite an affluent family. Once married, Jaya immediately realizes & blames Keshav for hiding the fact that there is no toilet inside the house, and therefore, she has to go out in open to relieve herself each morning along with the other females of the village in their ‘LOTA’ Party. She doesn’t agree to this & eventually returns to her parent’s house. The essence of the movie is Keshav’s struggle & fight against his dad, the village, the cultural barriers, the system and the government to get a toilet build (ghar ke andar) in order to bring his beloved wife back.

SOCH, SAUCH AUR SOUCHAALAY: (Positives)
1) Open defecation in still a major problem in India & we learn about the ill-effect of the same as the movie progresses. The message is very well bought forward & it helps in understanding the complications faced by villagers (especially females) when a simple facility of a toilet is not made accessible to them.
2) A COMPLETE ENTERTAINER after a very long time. For me, there was no single dull moment. I enjoyed it thoroughly till the last scene & so did the audience.
3) Performances – The casting & acting chops are absolutely PERFECT. Akshay has given his best this year 4th time in a row. Bhumika continues to shines in her 2nd film after Dum Lagaa Ke Haisha. Anupam Kher is the FUNNIEST man here with his obsession for Sunny Leone & all things adult😂. Divyendu Sharma is a talent to watch out for. Sudhir Pandey completely bites into the character of a Pandit who is full of old age religious beliefs, superstitions & an orthodox mindset. Shubha Khote bought back my memories of early 90s where she used to be a common face.
4) The comic take & seriousness of the issue goes hand in hand throughout the film and very nicely so. The clap-worthy Dialogues & Humor quotient is a winner all the way.

GANDHI BAAT: (Negatives)
1) Real life 50 years old Akshay Kumar ki on-screen ‘Tharak’ kab mitegi pata nahi😕🤔 Infact, I am so used to seeing him running behind her heroines for the past 20 years, that now neither his great stalking abilities nor his causal use of heavy sexual innuendos surprise me anymore.
2) Jaya seemed to be using her brains very well in ignoring Keshav’s romantic advances initially (since she is not interested in him), but this was only until Keshav breaks into a monologue boasting about his masculinity & superior intelligence. It only take 1 minute for Keshav to make Jaya fall in love with him, after which, she also starts stalking him for no reason. (Bollywood hai, sab chalta hai!)
3) As much as the 1st half is SUPER HILARIOUS, most of this humor consists of double meaning dialogues & cheap jokes; which may end up making you uncomfortable and awkward in places. (This is perhaps to justify the rural backdrop of the film, and in that sense, seems tolerable)
4) Others: a) The length of the movie is an issue. b) Both of Bhumika’s parents have been under-utilized even after being such known faces & great performers. c) Over promotion of BJP & Swachh Bhaarat Abhiyaan in the 2nd half (Both these points did not bother me personally though).

KAAM TAMAAM: (Conclusion)
#ToiletEkPremKatha is SUPER DESI at heart but will connect with audiences all over. It’s a WHOLESOME PACKAGE having an EXCELLENT blend of a serious social message, light romantic moments, mischievous & sarcastic humor, religious satire, Bollywood-ish drama & flawless performances. The movie should emerge as this year’s success based on the Mass & Class appeal of the subject.

RATING: 4/5 (This SHIT doesn’t stink, but the anti-BJP brigade has already found many excuses to FLUSH out an honest attempt anyway. But for the regular aam janta who generally seek Entertainment, Entertainment & only Entertainment, this Toilet will provide immense satisfaction…. the kind of which one would generally get… after taking a nice DUMP😂😜) GO WATCH! 👌👌

If you have liked this review, please do take 2 seconds to leave me your feedback & thumbs up in the comment section below😊👇

– Neelam Joshi
Dubai, UAE

Facebook Link here:

https://www.facebook.com/neelam.joshi28/posts/10154579639807186

Jab Harry Met Sejal & it had NOTHING to do with the audience!

“What you seek, is seeking you” – If this movie’s philosophy was true by any measures, I was apparently seeking boredom of 3 hrs followed by 2 hrs of cursing my own existence.

SUMMARY: This movie is the worst of all Imtiaz Ali & SRK movies so far. Poorest Direction, Poorest Music, Screenplay, Dialogues and…. feel free to add some more departments. I DARE you to like this lastest Imtiaz Ali movie.

STORY: There is NONE! Sejal (a senseless, immature, borderline stupid and horny girl) has lost her engagement ring during her family Europe trip. She realizes the same just before boarding the flight and so stays back alone to find the same (to find it ALL OVER Europe, bcoz she doesn’t even remember where she has lost it!! FML already). She also forces Harry (a charming/handsome but irritated/frustrated tour guide, who loves to talk to himself) to accompany her all over the trip locations to find the ring bcoz….god knows!

Trust me, they keep doing the same until just before the last 10 mins of the movie, in between they also randomly break into songs & dance on the streets of Europe, sleep in the open, try saving each other from completely “aa bail mujhe maar” waale goons (bcoz movie mein in criminals ka addition toh kuch nahi hai but action scenes aur screen time khichna toh padega na!), attend random wedding function, wear amazing clothes, cry to a random wall (kuch toh emotional angle ghusana hai), keep judging each other’s characters, keep wandering from one city to another (bcoz Imtiaz Ali ki travel movies hoti hai aur Europe bhi dikhana hai taaki 1 star rating toh mil jaay movie ko! – Keep reading to find out if they succeeded at that😉).

Infact, I was so frustrated and bored of what was happening (or not happening) on the screen after a point, I had to be my own film and start entertaining myself! Few gems of my sense of humor as below (Hashtag #SelfPraise😜):
After irritating the audience for probably the lengthiest 2 hours and 15mins of their lives, Harry says this to Sejal: “Bas, ab khatam kar dete hai is draamey ko…!”
Me: Bohot jaldi yaad aaya, plzz kar do! (I almost jumped in excitement ready to leave the theatre, the excitement didn’t last for long, there were still 20mins to go😭😭)
Again Harry to Sejal: “Yeh sab kya kar rahe hai hum…?”
Me: Kitne bhole log hai bechaare, audience ka ch*tiya kaat rahein hai aur inhe pata bhi nahi, shooo cute😊🖕.
Then again Harry mumbling to himself while Sejal is leaving at the airport: “Main bhi shaayad kuch dhoond raha hoon”
Me: Haan, mujhe pata hai woh kya hai… movie ki script!

MAGIC MOMENTS: (Spoiler Alert!)
Believe me, things just keep happening without a reason here.

1 – Harry gets flashes of his town in Punjab without any relevance of it in the movie (unnecessary & unrelated patriotism maybe?!) 2 – Sejal says that Rupen (her fiancé) & her family is extremely conservative, but then how come they are OK with her roaming around & staying with a complete stranger for days and days altogether?! 3 – Harry has a sudden realization that he should have proposed his love to Sejal before she left, so he actually travels to India, atlast only to find out that she has cancelled her wedding, bcoz duh, she is also in love with him. WOW! Such amazing fresh ideas that our writers come up with! Plz tell me if there is any Bollywood cliché that was missed here *slow clap*
4 – The ring in question, was in her bag itself all this while. (I googled ‘how to commit suicide in a movie theatre’ when this happened)
5 – TBH, I actually missed Ranbir Kapoor in few scenes (even though I know this would have been his 1450th attempt at ‘seeking something’ from life while travelling the world, but I still think he would have been much more relatable than SRK & Sejal put together).

THE ACCENT:
Ahem! Now let’s take few moments to talk about Anushka’s cringe-worthy accent.
Hi! Re-introducing myself, my name is Neelam Joshi, I hail from Gujarat & I am as much of a Gujju as any Gujju can claim to be. I have spent considerable no. of years in Gujarat & in Dubai amongst my ethnic groups to understand their diverse regional, cultural & language characteristics. OK, even though if not for trying garba steps on EDM & fantasizing about having chaas on a dry-day (shut up, dont judge me!), my thepla making skills should lend me enough guts to say what I am going to say. I CHALLENGE Imtiaz Ali to find me one female somewhere with an accent similar to Sejal (given her background) & if that happens, I pledge to give up on my Dhoklas & Fafdas …….. FOREVER!! (#Arrarara – in memories of Ketki Dave Kill yourself if you don’t remember her)
For the same reason, Sejal has to be my worst nightmare coming true! Imagine waking up one morning with an accent like that for the rest of your life! (Horror movie idea, anyone?) Every time she uttered something, I died a little with embarrassment

On a serious note (dare you laugh) I actually tried to imitate her stupid accent doubting my gujju-ness for a minute, and guess what, I FAILED! Hold on, I am taking two minutes to thank god for that. In other words, if there was ever going be a moment in my life where I was going to feel proud of my failure, this is it!

On a more serious note, films all over the world and it’s age-old stereotypical portrayal of movie characters go hand in hand since time immemorial. But then we are in 2017 for god’s sake, do we still need to be so ignorant about each other’s distinct backgrounds? In the age of google, social media & travel facilities, is it so hard to make yourself aware and grow out of the shackles of cultural clichés? What’s your answer Mr. Director? Aah! Maybe cinematic liberty or comic relief you say? MY FOOT!

But wait guys! Is this whole accent thing sounding like a personal rant to you since my own language is being targeted? Surprise! It actually is (LOL!) Yes, I AM OFFENDED. But I have a profound support theory to my rant, keep reading. Not all is bad here in #JHMS, at least a mainstream lead character like Sejal made me sympathize immensely with my Punjabi friends all over the globe Oh the torture they must be going through as soon as a Punjabi character jumps on screen!(ROFL!) Thanks to Hindi movies, until back to a few years, I actually thought saying ‘Balle Balle Shava Shava’ was their way of warding off evil forces around us & that consuming five pegs of alcohol was the easiest way of winning a dance competition (Crap, I am laughing on my own jokes now – #IAmSoFunny) And so I guess, a Sejal – a gujju caricature with ‘just an assuming typical accent’ is probably nothing in comparison (#PunjabisAreAlwaysHigh #Burraahh #BollywoodZindabad #RealLifeSucks #SoSad)

CONCLUSION: (Fweh finally! – See, I know what you are thinking)
If you feel you have a happy life and wish it to be the same, stay away from this disaster at all cost. Go watch a Chennai Express or a Happy New Year again, atleast it will give you something, SOMETHING!

RATING: 1/5 (Europe is DREAM, SRK is LOVABLE, Anushka is HORNY, Movie is a BOREFEST)

P.S: (Added fun segment for all vellas like me):
1) Harry’s real name is Harinder Singh Nehra. #BollywoodPunjabRockz

2) The alphabet ‘H’ at the end of CHAAS has been purposely avoided as a further proof to my gujju-ness. #OKBye #MeanCommentsWillBeDeleted #JSK

 

 

Jab Harry Met Sejal OR Jab SRK Met Disaster!

 

If you have liked this review, please do take 2 seconds to leave me your feedback & thumbs up in the comments section below😊👇

– Neelam Joshi
Dubai, UAE

Facebook Link here:

Raees Review: Baniye Ka Dimaag aur Miyanbhai Ki Daring, SRK’s return as the Original King!

Baniye Ka Dimaag aur Miyanbhai Ki Daring,
And by this, SRK’s return as the Original King! (Bad rhyme I know, but you got it na)

Star Factors:
With Raees, SRK proves why he is even more likeable when being the antagonist rather than a charming hero who’s usually busy spreading his arms, instead here you would see him breaking some for sure

As a total mix of typical 80’s potboiler having ample amount of maar-dhaad, khoon-kharaaba, dialogue-baazi, emotional drama, guns & explosions, songs & dances; Raees is Full-On Entertainment guaranteed.

Story:
Set in the early 80’s with a backdrop of Gujarat (a dry state), Shah Rukh Khan in and as Raees, is a soft hearted businessman cum gangster who does bad things for a good cause. As per his Ammijaan – ‘Koi dhandha chota nahi hota aur dhandhe se bada koi dharm nahi hota’. He lives his life on this principle until he realizes that he has gone too far in trusting the wrong people.
This is his journey from being a young boy engaged in illegal activities to a man with a loving persona, and the series of unfortunate events that ultimately turn him into a criminal. He is constantly chased by SP Majmudar (played by Nawazuddin Siddiqui) leading him to his known climax.

The Good:
1) The first half of Raees is GOLD. The dialogues & the ideas sprouting one after the other from our lead man’s brain in order to get his business running, keeps you engrossed and excited.
2) SRK steals the show. He is in his best form since Chak De India. He plots and plans, executes and survives, sings and dances, fights and romances. He fulfills all the need & look of the character.
3) How much more PERFECT can Nawazuddin Siddiqui get? Watch out for his timing and aimed-at-masses one-liners. He is super funny as a cruel but honest cop who won’t spare our Hero at any cost.

The Bad:
1) Raees is an uneven film. There are moments where you want applaud and whistle, but you might as well feel exhausted after a point. The oh-so-predictable scenes and finale makes the second half a bit boring.
2) Also, while you fully support & sympathize with our Hero’s antics during the first half, the second half sometimes confuses him into a slo-mo action hero who is egoist & angry, sometimes a messiah, and elsewhere a directionless goon who is having a hard time deciding on his next steps.
3) Not sure on why do filmmakers still need to have those meaningless song & dance sequences added in a serious film which end up doing nothing good to the story.
4) On Mahira Khan, as a viewer you just need to thank your stars that you won’t see her in any Indian movies hereafter. She is as ignorable in the movie as she would have been during Raees promotions (had she been given the chance, that is)

Conclusion:
Raees swings between the notions of a realistic filmmaker Rahul Dholakia on one hand and Bollywood’s Superstar SRK’s popularity on the other, together they try to create the best of Dhamaka, but during this process the feeling of ‘’yeh sab toh pehle bhi dekha hai’’ does not leave your mind completely. The outcome could have been the best had the director taken either of the one route – of making his product an out-an-out true-to-events rag to riches gangster drama, or a full blown masala flick. Raees makes a decent attempt in being both & emerges as a winner.
If you are a hard core Bollywood fan like me, Raees is one of those films straight from the 80s & 70s starring Amitabh Bachchan & written by Salim-Javed. The larger than life Hero-giri is in abundance.

Rating:
3.5/5 – Finally! We get to see SRK minus the habitual gimmicks (after long) & giving us a film worth watching! Go & enjoy a full circle of Bollywood from our Battery. Oops…I mean SRK! Battery nahi bolne ka!

P.S: Don’t forget to like, share & comment as usual

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– Neelam Joshi
Dubai, UAE

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Befikre Review – A movie promoting Paris Tourism for over 2hours & 10mins.

Unfortunately, another piece of disaster follows one after the other. The number of goods films in 2016 can be literally counted on your finger tips.

This one can be easily labelled as TRASH OF 2016! Even Baar Baar Dekho with an overall rating of 2/5 stars look like “Moghal-E-Aazam’ in comparison to #Befikre.

Story: The Definition of New-Age cinema by Directors: Take random hero heroine (read sex starved perverts), shoot whatever you have in the name of ‘scenes’ in some exotic foreign locations, go on to show high-on-testosterones sexual relationship b/w leads with ‘no strings attached’ theory, make them fall in love anyway after lots of bematlab ka naach gana, start milna bichadna angle and reunite them in the end, and so to basically give a f*ck to the story. Because, it’s Bollywood afterall, remember!

Bhai, in sab mein loss toh sirf aur sirf audience ka hi hai naa. Why to pay heavy bucks to watch the same shit since the 90’s over and over again?

In #Befikre’s case, take a bed, mix together loads of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, add equal portions of Neel n Nikki’s nanga-pan and cheating-baazi of Mera Yaar Ki Shaadi Hai; and if all this is not still enough, sprinkle some desi pana of DDLJ swad-anusaar, and YAY! The final product is one of the Europe’s newest recipe – “Eiffel De Pakaao”.

Performances: Ranveer Singh has built a reputation for himself over the years. He surely didn’t need a #Befikre in his career at this point, but then, who would reject having Aditya Chopra as a director on his resume?! Ranveer is the only saving grace in this over-the-top, trying-to-be-modern rom-com. But again, I can’t believe the audience yet isn’t horribly drained of Ranveer’s jumping jack-adrenaline overdosed-monkey acts & chichora guy image.

Also, did I forget to tell you #Befikre leads consist of 1 & half men? Yea, Vani Kapoor is the other half. She really needs to shoot the cameraman for capturing her like that. You just can’t take your eyes away from her horrendous lip job whenever she appears on screen. Her acting appears to be good in bits & pieces. But again, even a giraffe as a replacement would have done the same job as expected from Vani, minus the love making ofcourse, but then you never know with Ranveer! Err….

Anybody, like ANYBODY could have played Dharam & Shyra instead of Ranveer & Vani, and that wouldn’t have made an iota of difference to the overall value of this film.

Positives: The reasons you may like #Befikre will be because of its beautiful cinematography and Vaibhavi Merchant’s choreography, Vishal-Shekhar’s fresh songs, and few comical gags by Ranveer Singh that save the day. Ignore the above if you have watched or going to watch #Befikre only for those unrequired 36 moments of saliva exchange between Ranveer & Vani, in which case you will be getting much much more than that. Like c’mon, who wasn’t dying to see Ranveer Singh’s naked ass in a Aditya Chopra ‘family film’ haan! Ting….

Negatives: Almost Everything.

Conclusion: With the same ghisa pita story seen a million times in Hindi cinema & predictable ka Baap screenplay, #Befikre adds a page in Bollywood’s book of ‘How not to make a soft porn in the name of rom-com and try to fool today’s audience’ category.

A note to Aditya Chopra: I wanted to say that next time please pay your writers properly so that they can atleast write a better story for you to direct something, but then you know what, he himself is the story writer😂😂😂

If Adi was so desperate to make a 2016 modern era film, he could have easily created another zillionth version DDLJ itself, and that too would have been leaps ahead of #Befikre.

Rating: Going with a well deserved 0.5/5. Anything more would mean that #Befikre is watchable, which it’s not.

If you have liked this review, plz take a minute and leave your feedback/thumbs up in the comments section below:)👇

Facebook Review link here -> https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153915045542186&id=558297185

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Think about Bhelpuri without its main ingredient, Murmure. Done? That’s exactly Ae Dil Hai Mushkil!

Today’s exercise – Think about your favorite Bhelpuri without its main ingredient, Murmure. Done? Now let’s get started with Ae Dil Hai Mushkil Review.

Warnings:
1) This review contains heavy spoilers…………of your mood!

2) The review is longer than the actual script of the movie.

Story:
Ranbir Kapoor said in an interview, Ae Dil Hai Mushkil is Karan Johar’s biopic, and I secretly hoped he was joking. Unfortunately & to my horror, it actually is!

You can skip the rest and jump directly to next section – Performances.

For all others those who are interested in knowing what cannot be referred to as ”story”, here goes!:

Ranbir Kapoor (Ayan aka Mr. Richie Rich, bcoz nobody’s poor in a KJo movie ever, ha!) meets Anushka Sharma (Alizeh aka Ms. Another film in which I’m a happy and bubbly girl) in a London bar club. While Alizeh is fresh from her break-up with Fawad (DJ Ali aka Mr. Main terrorist nahi hoon Khan), Ayan is a highly immature happy/sad guy going around places enjoying life until his dream of becoming a singer comes true. Both bond over Bollywood songs, dance, music and sharing their life stories with each other. Ayan falls in love with Alizeh but she doesn’t reciprocate & goes back to DJ Ali to get married to him.

Meanwhile, Ayan has fallen for Alizeh too deeply and turns kinda crazy in making her realize the same and that too on the day of her marriage, though this is only once all the gana-bajaana in full josh is over. But since it’s too early in the film and bcoz it has to continue for another 2 hours, Alizeh asks Ayan to control himself & find a path in life & pursue his dream of becoming a singer. Ayan hates the feeling of not being loved back & goes away from her, showing two middle fingers on her face, as of course it’s a KJo movie and everything has to be double the impact.

Now since Ayan is ‘sad & lonely’ at the airport and since it’s also high time for Aishwarya to show up bcoz audience has manly paid to watch all the steamy scenes, he starts irritating her at the airport lounge (Quite ‘immature’ for Ayan I must say😉). Enters Aishwarya Ria (Ms. Saba aka Main hamesha itni hi khoobsurat dikhti hoon aka Meri duniya ek bohot bada camera hai) who is a Poetess by profession with an unintentionally funny Urdu diction. Both come close one night for obvious reasons (to read her poems together in bed I mean, what were you thinking?). They wake up in the morning to discuss her books again (this time really😜) and Ayan wants to use her poems to make himself a famous singer. She obliges (not really, she knows what she wants in return. Duh!)

Ayan tries to jealo-fy Alizeh by inviting her over for dinner at Saba’s place, but she is all cool about it & that drives Ayan madder. Alizeh still won’t tell Ayan that even she loves her, bcoz there is still another one hour to go before it all ends. Soon after, Saba also gets rid of this weirdo Ayan realizing she is also starting to fall for him (kuch bhi!). Suddenly, Alizeh vanishes from Ayan’s & DJ Ali’s life while Ayan goes onto become a big singer.

Ayan comes to know about Alizeh through DJ Ali after a gap of 2 years (bcoz the script had told him you will never try to find her by your own, even though when you love her so much, until DJ Ali comes and tells you abt her). Ayan in search of Alizeh waits for her on top of a building (bcoz surely director has told Ayan that she is alive & will come here like just after 2 days) But wait….the Biggest Twist is here!! Alizeh arrives and she has gone all bald! Like clean bald. But why? Bcoz Kal Ho Na Ho reference yaar. Aao Cancer-Cancer khele! Yayyy! Ayan also goes bald (Movie mein sab chalta hai). Lekin bechara Ayan still doesn’t get a chance to get laid with her. Bcoz irrespective of his love or care or he himself going bald, Alizeh’s idea of love is extended friendship, basically getting Ayan Friend-zoned; while Ayan wants the ‘Janam Janam Janam, Saath Rehna Sanam’ wala love. (Toh usmein main kya karu???!! – Audience, meanwhile)

The Result? Both Ayan & Alizeh are confused between love & friendship as much as the audience is. Ayan finally says ‘Bas yahi thi hamaari kahaani’ at the end & the credits start rolling. Thank God for that, because otherwise you will never know that the film is going to end so abruptly!

Side Note: Usually I don’t give out the whole film’s story in my reviews, but this one is different. I want you all to guess and let me know ki ismein story kya thi. Plz help😢😢

Thank you in advance!

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Performances:
Ranbir Kapoor plays a real life heart broken KJo, falling in one sided love for Anushka.
He is in full flair while being his original self with Aishwarya, but comes across uncomfortable and uneasy while playing the shy/weird Ayan in the first half. ADHM is one of the most average works of Ranbir till date.
Also, the movie was hyped based on Aishwarya & Ranbir’s chemistry yea! Be ready to get shocked in that case, as you are not going to see her for more than 20mins in the film (more on that later).
The sensual electricity that Ranbir and Aishwarya produce with their lust driven romance is a nice angle in an otherwise gloomy film.

Anushka Sharma is the soul of the film. She is the only intelligent actor amidst all the lazy and direction-less dolls surrounding her. She delivers her 100% even when the others, including the story, starts giving up midway. Watch the movie only for her sweetness and mature acting powers.

Fawad Khan leaves his mark in a small but important role. He delivers what he was asked to.

SRK justifies his cameo very well. He had to, half the collection of ADHM is counting on him, given the no of fans who just went to watch him than the actual star cast. Lol!

Bollywood Songs – Bollywood forms an important character of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. KJo’s love for Bollywood is what ADHM is filled with, and half of them are his own film’s songs and dialogues! Why Karan, Why?

Now lets talk abt Aishwarya Rai (Ahem!)
Aishwarya plays a super glamorous, drop dead gorgeous, smart, independent, divorced Urdu poetess.

That’s it.

What? Er..Yea! Trust me, that description was still longer than her expected screen time in the movie. Like all his fellow directors with their trailers in recent times, looks like KJo has also learnt the art of trolling and betraying his audience!

On a serious note, Aishwarya is all of the above and could have been even more, had she was actually given a chance, rather than camera just focusing on her model walks and unnecessary ‘baalon ka lehrana’ close-ups. Ofcourse she is perfect as the ultimate seductress; in fact she looks so picture perfect, it was like watching an extended version of her L’Oreal Paris ads (maybe the story just wasn’t worth it!). Surely that is not a compliment because what’s the whole point when you can’t link her character to the screenplay?!
And add to it, her Urdu dialogue baazi. Someone from the audience actually said ‘Kya yeh poore picture mein aise hi bolegi?” ROFL!

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Conclusion:

With no usual over-the-top KJo comic touches, no usual over-the-top KJo drama, no sense of story and characterization, abrupt screenplay and continuation issues, ADHM lacks the punch of Karan Johar’s evergreen romance which has so far formed the backbone of all his films. I felt even the audience somewhere got tired of giving fake reactions after a point.

The fight between Friendship and Love is a done to death formula from his own baby production KKHH. So basically what’s new that the writers are trying to attempt? What was the means/theme/idea behind ADHM? Why the need to make a baasi Bhelpuri of your own movies and serve it to audience in a new package (minus the basic ingredient of Feelings)? Why the need to glorify break-ups? Honestly, there are so many questions left unanswered. At so many points in the movie I just wanted to ask KJo, “Bhai, aakhir tum kehna kya chaahte ho??”

In totality, #AeDilHaiMushkil is DDLJ meets Kuch Kuch Hota Hai meets Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna meets Kal Ho Na Ho meets KJo’s half-broken heart’s attempt at a modern age love story; in that order.

At the end you will realize that after all what you have seen, it was actually the film which was indeed very Mushkil to decipher, and not the bechaara Dil.
RIP KJO’s cinema. Rating: 1/5.

#AeDilHaiMushkilReview #ADHM #NilzReviews

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– Neelam Joshi
Dubai, UAE

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#Pink: Real & Sensible – with no mirch masala sprinkled, this movie is your MUST WATCH for the week.

Let me start by saying, I am not sure if some films you watch can be really classified under the regular ‘’movie review’’ category, because that would mean we are purely going to judge the cinematic aspect of those brilliantly executed and thought-provoking stories. Pink is undoubtedly one such film.

‘’Aisi aaurton ko unki jagaah dakhana bohot zaruri hai’’ – exclaims one of the friend, just because that ‘aisi aurat’ refused the sexual advances of this molester Rajveer Singh – a soon to be married nephew of a powerful politician! Surely not a good thing to hear or read at all right? But let me tell you, the movie itself doesn’t have any such intentions to portray you a nicey-dicey rosy picture – the end mein sab theek ho jaayega type – or to let you sleep with a good feeling. Just twenty something minutes into Pink and I started feeling my most vulnerable self, cringing by what was happening, by the thought of what would happen next, by coming to terms that these are our everyday REAL LIFE incidents, and even further by realizing that such incidents are far more brutal, frightening and horrific in real than those in reel life. #Pink feeds you with anger, disgust, sorrow and shame, all at the same time.

Story:
We have three working women as our protagonist – Tapsee Pannu, Kirti Kulhari and Andrea Tariang, sharing an accommodation in South Delhi. Their lives turn ugly when a richie-rich bad boy Angad Bedi tries to force himself upon Tapsee, who in self defense attacks him with a glass bottle and escapes along with her girls – leaving him bleeding profusely. What follows is a typical male-ego mindset in seeking revenge with these girls and thereon to make their lives as miserable as possible. Ironically, to save themselves the legal actions, the guy’s friends in turn accuse the girls with soliciting and prostitution charges. Amitabh Bachchan as Deepak Sehgal plays a lawyer defending the three women.

Positives:
The narrative and story writing of #Pink by Shoojit Sircar, Roy and Ritesh is well very polished and therefore highly commendable. The mental trauma of the victim and her friends hit you straight in the heart and you sympathize with their characters right from the beginning. A point worth to note here is that this is even without having the actual incident shown to the audience until the end credits roll; a plus one for that!

Tapsee has bitten into the role with perfection. Her cry, agony and helplessness as Minal Arora (the victim) translates on the screen flawlessly, and so that should hopefully make her the most sought after actors in Bollywood going forward. Kirti as Falak makes her presence felt in one of the most important scenes in the court proceedings during the second half. Andrea Tariang represents the poor plight of our North East Indians and the hardships they go through when residing in metro cities.

Mr. Bachchan (after Piku) ones again proves his metal with Pink and justifies why he is and always be known as a Legend of our Indian cinema. His performance and dialogues are the hero of the script. The subtle references and the sarcastic tongue-in-cheek questions by him in the court room deserves a big applause. The court room sequences turn intense and interesting due to his presence alone.

Negative:
Not many but they aren’t ignorable too. Piyush Mishra as the bad guy’s lawyer is too loud, extensively hams and adds unnecessary drama to the otherwise silent court case. This is highly disappointed coming from an actor of his caliber. Another bit is Bachchan’s bed ridden wife who doesn’t contribute to the screenplay at all. Also, you may feel at times Bachchan’s voice is overpowering his old-aged lawyer’s make-up, but that’s quite passable.

Conclusion:
Pink succeeds in making all the right noises and very well serves the purpose it is made for. It realistically captures and translates the burning rage and resentment in today’s forward thinking India against acts of violence committed against women. Pink is not about feminism or women empowerment per se, but it questions the existence of some grave disgusting double standard rules made by few men to dominate the ”weaker gender”. Pink doesn’t boast of bringing about a great change in regressive minds of some so called ”urban open society”, but it’s definitely a good learning for those hypocrites, who live around us, pretending to be open minded saints, but in reality are demonic preachers of fake morality. PERIOD.

Rating: Real & Sensible – with no mirch masala sprinkled; Pink is your MUST WATCH for this week!! 4/5.

P.S: DO NOT MISS the poem recited by Mr. Bachchan in the end credits. Chills guaranteed!

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Dull, Boring and Tacky; Rustom is your embarrassing guilt of the year!

There are good films, bad films and worst films. Rustom has invented a new category for itself – Outrageously Disastrous films.
Dull, Boring and Unintentionally humorous, Rustom may not win it, but definitely qualifies to be nominated for Ghanta Awards this year. Read on to know why…..

The first scene opens and we see a perfect surrounding and set designs of the 50-60s era. Thereafter 2 1/2 hours into the movie and that’s all you would appreciate!

The story of Rustom can be described in mere 3 lines – Navy Officer Rustom Pavri (or ‘Roossie’ -LOL!) finds out about his wife (Ileana) cheating on him with Arjun Bajwa, he then goes on to kill her lover, and the rest what follows is a pure stupid endless court room drama. In fact, it is so stupid that you may find yourself giggling even during scenes which are supposed to be intense & serious.

The film’s screenplay & narrative is so slow, you would feel it’s already 4 hours and you have had enough of it, but unfortunately you still find yourself stuck in the same court proceedings.
Unnecessary close ups of all characters, bad VFX, too many confusing moments, heavy usage of background score, a typical ‘are we going to sleep in the next scene?’ couple, ‘bin mausam barsaat’ and then the predictable ‘pair mein moch’ followed by a compulsory steamy act, may remind you of Ekta Kapoor serials.

I think TACKY is the apt word here. My exact thoughts while watching? If it didn’t have the known faces it did, Rustom makes for a perfect Bollywood B-grade production, atleast for the same above reasons.

Performances:
As far as the actors & their acting goes, you don’t have any luck even there – Kumud Mishra as the owner of a daily newspaper, Usha Nadkarni as the maid, Anang Desai as the judge and Sachin Khedekar as the prosecuting lawyer, deliver some of their worst performances. I feel sad and sorry to have seen these veterans like this.
Akshay Kumar fits well into his character and is the only reason you would hold on to your seat till the end; though his mustache looks super funny and he performs quite monotonous at times. Ileana doesn’t do much than looking beautiful. Esha Gupta holds the same edgy expression throughout – making her the weakest cast of the film.

Conclusion:
In my most saddest & ‘WTF is happening’ movie experiences, Rustom is now on top 5 – others being Joker, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, Dilwale & Chennai Express. I wanted to cry as the movie went by scene after scene.

No wonder the Industry-walas were asked to promote this cheap product in all ways possible. I request all of them to atleast respect their own fanbase & audiences who trust their verdicts. Thank you Akshay Kumar for showing us a Rustom in the garb of another Airlift.

One thing is for sure – From now on, I cant be watching any Akshay Kumar movies in theatre, even at gun point.

Avoid this one at all cost.
My rating: 1/5